2004-02-03 - 2:14 a.m.

MoCo brought up all sorts of sad tonight. I miss Hollis. I miss David. I miss Julie. I want the sweet walking back to ML together and talking and singing and feeling included and loved. I got home and broke down crying on Dave's bed listening to Blue Bonnets (Of course, listening to blue bonnets does that..) In addition to the friends I miss, there are the friends here I just really need to get away from for a while but can't. I need to to save the friendship, but there is no way.

I want it to be Febrary my freshman year. Before anything went bad. Friends were easy. Family was easy. Home was easy. Relationships were easier. I didn't like February, but I didn't dread it in my bones.

It's time to remember, again (again! again!) be grateful for what you have. You might lose it very soon.

Okay, we can do that. Grateful. I'm grateful for:

-my mother

-my cats

-my rabbits

-my hall (especially Kate, Eliz, Dave, and many others)

-my band

-my returning health (yay antibiotics!)

-my plant Proteus

-the campus people who make me smile

-my old ML friends (Liz, Evil, etc.)

-friends abroad (Katie, Thomas)

-friends at home (to varying degrees, but good people)

-my room

-my general comfort

-my school and eucation

-my mind

-my body

-my persistance

-music, dance, and theatre

-tears

There's a lot more. I just need to remind myself that I have an awful lot, and although I miss what I've lost terribly, I need to be grateful for what I do have, and hopefully more won't be lost. At least not soon. Please?