2004-03-19 - 3:28 a.m.

*deep breaths*

I just spent the last 3 hours in the lighting lab, discovering that I really just don't know how to run the boards. So all my brilliant ideas were for nothing, and i finally went home. I haven't looked at the problem set, but I figure I'll take a short nap, maybe 45 minutes to recollect myself.

I'm really down. Down to a degree I haven't been in a remarkably long time. That awful hopeless feeling that sits in your stomach and points out every aspect of your life that is completely hopeless. It likes to spring on the academic side of things first (you're doing terribly in classes. Look at tonight! and You more or less got turned down for your REU!) then leads to the personal (you're pathetic. those people aren't really your friends...) and makes lovely jibes at the romantic, the artistic, the familial, etc. before rendering me completely vegetative at which point I fall into bed. Until 4:45 AM, when I need to get up and work some more.

I give up.